It’s frustrating. The older you are, the harder it is to find friends. You get more picky. You know more about what you want and what kind of lifestyle you want to have and when you’re young you don’t really care too much about what you’re going to do. Nowadays there’s so much work that taking time to have fun is a luxury! So, when you decide to actually take it, there’s a lot of pressure on it to be good! When you were younger it didn’t really matter.
I can feel really lonely. I figured it out really early on that I’m too different. It sounds really stupid to say, but when I’m in a group of people, and we’re having a conversation, I often get these blank looks like “what the fuck are you talking about?” In my teens it led me to feeling quite depressed…
I lived in Berlin for six months by myself. When you’re not around people you care about for six months, you do a lot of thinking. That’s when I figured out that I would rather be alone than have these superficial, non-meaningful nights out. Because they drain me! I hate it when you come for a coffee and you just speak about what you did that day. I like deep conversations.
Most people don’t take time to be alone. You always have some kind of distraction not to be alone. You’re on your computer, you’re writing messages, you’re on Instagram or Snapchat.
There’s a constant urge to share everything with everybody because you cannot bear the idea of being alone and actually having to think.
For the last three or four years, my morning always starts with waking up, making my bed, making coffee, going to my room and sitting on the couch where I have to have at least 45 mins of doing nothing. I think about what I have to do, what happened yesterday. I sit there quiet, alone, and literally just think.
When it comes to relationships, I think it’s silly that we put that huge amount of pressure on somebody being your everything! I don’t think relationships have anything to do with love, at least not this love we see in movies or songs, it has everything to do with how accepting you’re going to be about the other person.
The ultimate love you can get in life is having somebody who’s going to do everything that’s in their power for you not to need them. They’re going to make sure you can exist without them. That’s when you’re really loved. That’s when you’re completely free to be yourself.
What we often do in relationships is let the other person define us. We sometimes believe that their projection of us is who we are. Then you break up and you have no self image anymore. Your self image is gone and you have to build it again.
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