My Mum and Dad are dentists and live in a pretty small town in Macedonia. Since I was little everyone kinda expected me to be in that same medical circle. I guess I felt this pressure to apply for medical university. Originally I thought that the problem was in Macedonia so I came to try and study it in Ljubljana. When I arrived here I realised the problem wasn’t Macedonia, but I just really didn’t want to study medicine!
It was actually the worst period of my entire life. It was so hard for me to accept that I was actually going to quit medical school. I developed anxiety which was something I hadn’t even known before that. It was the worst experience of my life. My thoughts were going 150km/h and I tried to get it together. I would literally feel like vomiting just thinking about going to the faculty. I knew that my parents would be disappointed by that decision and I was afraid of admitting it to them…
But my parents were really supportive. If they hadn’t been I don’t know what I would have done. When I told them about the anxiety I’d been experiencing, they just told me they wanted me to be happy.
Nowadays I’ve learnt not to focus on making anyone else happy until I’ve made myself happy. I learnt how bad it can get when you do things just not do disappoint somebody else.
I’m grateful for everything that happened. I don’t think I’d get to the point where I am right now, I wouldn’t appreciate feeling “normal” as much.
When you let things go, or accept them for the way they are, that’s when you realise it’s going to be okay.
I try not to think about anxiety that much. It’s not that I’m afraid that it’ll come back. If it comes it comes. If my heart starts beating fast and it feels like a panic attack is coming, I’m able to say “okay, here we go again” and I can try to be as calm as possible. I know it’s going to pass, it’s just a voice inside. This has helped a lot.
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