070 I Was Going To Shoot Myself

I was blindly in love with my first girlfriend. I was eighteen. Actually I was so broken afterwards that I wanted to kill myself and my friend saved me, although he probably still doesn’t know it. He came to my place and rang my bell. I was curious who it was and we started talking. If he’d come two or three minutes later I probably wouldn’t be here. I was going to shoot myself. There was so much hurt and pain. I can’t say I was depressed but I was really broken down. It was my first time and I didn’t know how to deal with it.

Then, after just one week I said to myself ‘fuck it, what was I thinking?’ I reprogrammed myself. When I got to that low point, it was just one week when I changed my entire meaning of life and love. After that I was like ‘fuck it, live on!’…

Learning how to be self-confident was like my golden ticket. From that moment on my life changed. I speak up now. Before, I didn’t want to offend anybody. I always wanted to be liked. When I was younger I had a roommate who was the total opposite of me. If we went to a bar I was always the one in the corner and he was talking to everyone. Everyone liked him. I wanted to be as confident as he was. Something I’m proud of is that I learn very quickly. In two to three months I actually surpassed his confidence. We were the centre of attention.

Before I wanted to please everybody. For me, the word ‘no’ didn’t exist. After I got my confidence I was no longer afraid to say no. Weirdly, I learnt that by being more self-confident, people seem to like me even more.