I don’t know why, but people in Ljubljana have a pre-Halloween party, and so I needed a fucking crazy costume… so I went into the Spanish room in our dorms and they painted a butterfly on my face. I was the most beautiful butterfly ever.
I remember when I was maybe 18, and I really wasn’t so successful with girls. I think most people start like that. I wasn’t very successful with myself in general. I kinda hated myself for what I was.
A friend of mine sent me a book on picking up girls. First of all I was really skeptical reading this thing. I didn’t like all the ‘alpha male’ talk in the book. But slowly I started to get it, and it gave me a push, because it said you can read a thousand books but nothing will happen unless you start doing something.
I’ve got in touch with the pick-up scene again since I’ve been in Ljubljana. I used to be in the scene and I decided to go back to the forum and get some new ideas. That gave me a social push. I went to three or four parties in a row to meet new people, so much that it was actually exhausting! I needed some time alone afterwards so I could get my words again…
I never used any of the ‘hook-up’ lines or suggestions from the book, but it was more the philosophy of unleashing your potential. It tells you to be in control of yourself and not give a fuck about what people think. I think this was my problem. I used to ask myself “what can I do that is cool for girls?” or “what can I say that will be interesting for her?” This book taught me to push myself to detach from that so I could say whatever I want.
I’ve got a nice quote, I made it myself, of course!
“When you’re in the dark, it’s much easier to see the light source.”
At one point I was in such a dark corner of myself, that I was able to see where the light was coming from. I realised that it’s not possible to be totally in the dark.
I realised I could change something to get back to myself again. These changes began small. Don’t drink as much alcohol, don’t take drugs as much, be more self-confident. Try to accept yourself, accept your failures, accept your body.
Time helps you to mature. You get to see what works and what doesn’t work. I think it was in 2016 that I realised I’m happy. 2016 was my year where all the struggling with myself that had been there all those years, and finally I found a base. It was amazing actually.
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