I’m saying goodbye to somebody I’m so completely in love with. There’s a reason and we’re at a stage where it needs to happen, but that’s not to say either of us want it to. It could just be temporary. But the more you entertain the idea that maybe this is temporary, you’re just predicting the future and maybe hindering your own self-development and thinking. So it’s a really important lesson in impermanence and living in the present.
We’ve been talking about this for the last two months. I moved here to Slovenia with him but we both knew it was for a finite amount of time. Soon he moves onto Venice for his studies and I go back to England. It’s really good having a time limit because it forces you to really enjoy the relationship. The converse of that is that you are always thinking about it, and also suppressing it, so you can enjoy the day.
One and a half of our three years together we were in different countries to each other. This is the strange thing, we’ve already done it in our relationship…
And we’ve also experienced how much pain it is. You just don’t live in the present.
To be constantly yearning for someone means you’re not fully enjoying anything.
You’re wondering ‘maybe I’ll talk to them later’ and you can be out with friends but really just want to be with that one person. So we’re going to see what it’s like for us both to have our own lives and probably not talk a lot. Our only form of conversation is going to be by letter.
With the medium of letters you have time and space about what you want to say. Plus it’s a place to express what you’ve read, what you’ve seen, what you’ve been interested in and what you’ve been inspired by. It teaches you patience. It’s the same feeling as using a film camera, where you’ve taken the photos and you have to physically wait for them to be developed.
I’m grateful for experiencing these past three years and learning that somebody else can teach you so much about yourself. I realised you don’t need to be alone to figure this stuff out. You can do it with someone else, and sometimes it’s even more heightened.
But you can get lost, and absorbed into them, and become this blob.
So I’m excited about being by myself. The playfulness, fun and supportiveness, all these things are amazing in a relationship, but you can lose yourself a bit. I’m looking forward to having my own space. It’s going to be lonely, but it’s going to be positive. It’s going to be fucking horrible, but I’m really excited to find some cool people and cool projects…
What message would you give to 20-year-old you?
Read 70+ responses from people from all over the world.
Where to next? Read the best of the blog.
Check out the favourites from the How To Be Human blog.