“I’m crippled by the fact that we are all going to die. That really hit me hard when my grandfather died a few years ago. It was possibly the lowest point of my life. I really loved him. It got me thinking a lot about death and how our lives are actually really short and unpredictable. I began questioning all my choices in life.
I’m not scared by the fact that I’m going to die. I’m afraid of looking back one day and regretting all the things that I didn’t do.
I am more afraid of not living than I am of dying.
That really sparked my obsession with trying to better myself and give my best to those close to me while they’re still around. It’s a really depressing thing to always think about, but it’s helped me to try and become a better person.
This sparked the process of trying to figure out what I want to do for this short time I’m on the planet. I know that’s not very positive outlook, necessarily, but the negative idea that we’re going to die really helped me to sort out my priorities. One of the first ways of doing that is to say no to all the stupid things in your life that you don’t really have to do.
At one stage I developed quite a crazy relationship with food. I started being really obsessive about what to eat and when to eat. I was obsessed with what’s healthy and what’s not. I had daily cold showers and went running all the time. It was never anorexia or anything like that, but I got really skinny. When I learnt that life is totally out of our control, I think this was my last attempt at being in control somehow.”
☕️ 132/500 ? Belgrade, Serbia
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