“I was quite fat when I was younger. A lot of my family have weight problems, so when I lost a lot of weight it felt like I was free. But the hardest thing is maintaining it. I didn’t realise that the scary part of being slim is that you’ve got the possibility of getting fat again!
The first month I lost weight, I bought a few clothes that I probably wouldn’t normally wear. I was just so proud of the fact that I’d lost weight! I bought this very skimpy jumper, which I guess became a secret weapon. I wore it once when I was out seeing a friend and then this guy started talking to me. It was the first time a guy actually started talking to me because he liked what he saw! At first it felt really nice because someone thought I was beautiful. But I started to realise that he kept looking at my cleavage and not my face, and by the end of the conversation I started to feel bad….
In the beginning you kinda like the attention, and by the end you want it to go away. I have an “escape personality” when this happens. I pretend to be Lily from Germany when they ask for my name/number. It’s believable because I can speak German.
I look at myself in the mirror more nowadays. I like myself more. I’m happier, for sure. But every time it’s a birthday and we eat cake in the evening, I’m scared!
When I was younger I made an agreement with myself at one point: if I couldn’t be exceptional in the body, I wanted to be exceptional in the mind. I would always raise my hand in every class, as a way of showing my peers that I may be fat but at least I’m smart. I kinda used to feel a secret pleasure when a skinny girl failed at something and I knew the answer.”
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